Welcome to Blizzard Pack Reborn,
BPR is a beginner - advanced semi-realistic wolf roleplay where the main rules is respect and loyalty. This site maintains stress and drama free roleplaying throughout the day. Anyone is welcome to join and if help is wanted it is quickly given by the helpful staff. Blizzard Pack Reborn is located in the depths of Alaska where humans are rarely found. There is no set plot, but everyone can make up their own for their characters if they wish.
The community here is always friendly and fun so don't be shy to PM anyone are jump into a rp thread. The site was meant to be used for fun, so come and enjoy yourself!
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Weather
Sunny
The blizzard has subsided and there is a thick layer of snow covering the ground. However the sun in shining brightly and there seems to be no clouds in the sky. Perfect time for sun bathing.
Current Temperature: 75
Season: Winter
Mating? Yes
Birthing? No

Nemisis's roleplaying help thread [p]

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Nemisis's roleplaying help thread [p]

Post by Snow on Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:09 am

Alright Nemesis, lets start off your character with a situation. Your character has gotten lost on plain of white snow and you must describe how he reacts. Once you post your rp, I will tell you how you can improve. ^^

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Re: Nemisis's roleplaying help thread [p]

Post by Nemesis on Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:14 am

Here it goes.
The harsh wind blew against nemesis fur coat, as he struggled to get through the the thick snow. He grunted as he struggled-Good gracious it's freezing.- he was getting worried and had no idea wher he was. Nemesis pinned his ears to his head in hopes no snow would get in.
He squinted and started to shake freezing and panicking"Oh I'm going to die out here. Someone please help me". He begins whining a bit pinning his tail between his legs.

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The blade goes down
The guts fly out,
And all that counts is chopped off limbs.
My personality will never be the same.
I have my blade blade blade.
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Re: Nemisis's roleplaying help thread [p]

Post by Snow on Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:19 am

Nemesis wrote:Here it goes.
The harsh wind blew against Nemesis fur coat, as he struggled to get through the the thick snow. He grunted as he struggled Good gracious it's freezing! He was getting worried and had no idea where he was. Nemesis pinned his ears to his head in hopes no snow would get in.
He squinted and started to shake freezing and panicking "Oh I'm going to die out here. Someone please help me". The brute says under his breath as it was carried away by the strong winds. He begins whining a bit pinning his tail between his legs.


Well so far I see a couple spelling mistakes, also with grammar. The things marked in red is what you should focus on. Instead of putting - to start his thoughts, just italisize them, which makes more sense and everyone does that to show thoughts. Also be more descriptive. Not just what he is thinking, but how is fur, paws, nose, eyes, and ears are reacting to being lost. Emotions play a big part as his body language would tell a lot of things as well. Also it would also be helpful if you downloaded google chrome as that shows you misspellings and helps you have better grammar. Also don't forget to say that he actually said something instead of just moving onto another action after that.

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Re: Nemisis's roleplaying help thread [p]

Post by Nemesis on Fri Dec 21, 2012 1:17 am

I see thank you snow.

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The blade goes down
The guts fly out,
And all that counts is chopped off limbs.
My personality will never be the same.
I have my blade blade blade.
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Nemesis

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Re: Nemisis's roleplaying help thread [p]

Post by Snow on Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:19 am

Well we aren't done yet. Knowing that I want to give you another example of your wolf in the fight. Don't forget what I pointed out and put this into your rp example. Try to make it as long as possible and very descriptive. I'll be checking for spelling and everything else and give you tips as well.

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